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1. Texans. Socially retarded acts of bravado. Lack of self awareness.
Isolationistic in thought. Kind of like someone who was raised under a
rock, but the rock was big, so they boast about how big the rock was.
There's more, but, man, it's so sad - and they don't even know it!
2. Tx is a Mexican border state. Complete with roads traveled by drug
cartels feeding the increasing violent crime rate, drug use, and ever
expanding prison population in Tx. That isn't nice and I don't have
this problem in my state.
3. Leading state for hate groups. There are more registered hate
groups in tx then any other state. They all hate different groups for
different reasons. When you get right down to it, no one is safe in tx
- not even texans. Testament to tx long tradition of nice, down to
earth, clan members and level-headed cult fanatics.
4. Over industrialization of undesirable industries. Yes, when you
visit tx, you get the full impact of what a cesspool they've made out
of their state with factories, oil refineries, and chemical plants.
Don't get me wrong, it is good somebody is manufacturing this stuff
out there, but, man, you've got to be six flags short of a theme park
to live amongst the stench-filled, chemical run-off, heat-fest that is
tx.
5. Texas as a state ranks in the top 5 of all states for all major
pollutants. Go figure. The EPA says you can't breathe the air for fear
of carcinogens, can't drink the water for fear of toxins, can't eat
the seafood for fear of mercury poisoning, and the Taiwanese plants
spill high levels of run-off into the neighborhoods. That isn't good
either!
6. "Clampet" stereotypes which aren't all together untrue. I've never
seen any other collective bunch unwittingly living up to negative
stereotypes. Perhaps some t-shirts can be air dropped to them. You
know, t-shirts that say something like, "thank god i struck oil, cuz
my double-wide needs a fixin"
7. Texan's general confusion between pride and reason. there is a
healthy pride, and then there is a texan pride. actually, a texan is
proud of his state like a branch davidian is proud of his cool-aid.
8. Corrupt institutions of business. Enron was a great. But, no one
can beat the oil companies for blood money, environmental destruction,
greed, and corruption. a texan would tell you that corruption only
exists in zip codes outside their magical state. is this true?
9. Cults. Kind of self explanatory. Apparently, tx is the perfect
place for those who like to organize and be merry while preying on
kids. Gotta love tx.
10. Backwards thinking. State first? Country second, or is there
something between state and country like, i don't know, socks or
peanut butter? You gotta love state first mentality. If the country is
attacked, would tx just side with mexico just to save your state? Kind
of like, if your house was burning, you'd only save your bedroom. Lots
of reasoning there. wait a minute! i'm going to start a new one. it's
called home owners association first! Hey tx, do you shoot people in
the back too?
11. Worst humidity and dew point. Yes it is true. Houston/bay area is
tied with annual averages for the worst humidity and dew point in the
united states per NOAA. In a nutshell, it's like a sauna. a constant
sauna for 7 months out of the year. what's even better, is there are
no seasons!
12. Hurricanes. you got it. more of my tax dollars go to natural
disasters like hurricanes in tx. nothing like every hurricane season
fearing the wrath of god upon your family and home.
13. Tornadoes. this must have to do with the fact that tx leads the
nation in the amount of trailor homes as a percentage of all homes.
the good thing is, tx is flat and has nothing around for 100's of
miles. so, not many people should get hurt except those who ask for
it. you know, texans.
14. Trailer trash. "T" stands for trailor trash, tornadoes, truck
stops, terrible, tacky, terrorist, taliban, travesty, and one
more...uh...dang, i forgot.
15. Prison over population. tx just can't kill 'em fast enough.
16. Gun rights. Hey look, texans need their guns because the state is
unwilling foot the bill for adequate policing and safety like other
states. state first! citizen last!
17. Highest unwanted teen pregnancies. According to a Houston paper,
they like to do more than play with barbies down in tx. Apparently
they like to get pregnant and be a mom at age 12 too.
18. Poorly educated. STILL poorly educated compared to other states.
when are the oil guys going to pay for schools.
19. Lack of affluence. This is something oil money cannot buy. you can
be rich, but you can't find Oklahoma on a map.
20. Cities annex neighboring towns just to boast on size. truly texas.
guess what, everyone can see thru this. when your metro area is a 10th
the size of other metro areas, you kind of get the idea your just
being typical tx.
21. Highest accident rate of any state. Listen, you have to drive 2
hours to get to what places the rest of us can get to in 30 minutes. I
would drive fast and not care about my life too if I lived in texas.
of course, the accident rate also includes factory explosions, etc.
22. Texas consumes more energy than what is produced by the state in
terms of gross product per the dept of energy. texas is an energy
empire. unfortunately, their bragging is unsubstantiated when they
claim the power the world.
23. highest in-sourcer (more people working for foreign firms -
helping make $ in foreign investments). guess what, more citizens in
tx by percentage aren't contributing a dime to u.s. investment.
24. High cancer rate. of course. you don't roil your state with
anything goes industry without paying for it do you?
25. High obesity rate - must be the dependence on mexican food, bbq.
That's Mexian food, you know, it's what makes tx so exotic.
26. Rated one of the 'least livable' of all states in 2008. It's just
an article. but it was nice.
27. Floods. It is wonderful how tx is famous for its natural
disasters. Stevie Ray Vaughn sang about it. He's a texan, i like
Stevie ray Vaughn, and if i lived in texas I'd sing the blues too.
he's just telling it like it is.
28. Lack of water to most of the state, high cost of water. Are you
kidding? you can't drink oil?
29. Toxic levels of mercury in fishing off texas shore. Already
covered. I like eating thermometers. maybe i should move to tx.
30. No mountains. Tx is beautiful with flat dusty fields of dry dirt
for 100's of miles until you get to some hills with nice folks with
guns. tx. great place to drive thru on your way to somewhere else.
31. Beaches are contaminated. Galveston is called a resort town.
compared to my state, galveston is a cesspool with an oil platform
right on the beach while you swim among signs that warn you about
hepatitis.
32. Pronounced pride and prejudice. back on the pride kick. can't have
pride without prejudiced. oh wait, i can.
33. Nice people - to your face. The rest is some kind of judgment call
made on their own arcane beliefs.
34. Lost perspective of their country. I guess if your trapped in an
abyss, you lose all hope that there is more out there.
35. Texas tea smells like wafting B.O., a sulfur pit, and a manure
farm. oh wait, tx oil towns are right next to sulfer pits which are
right next to ranches. that leave's B.O., which is the illegal
immigrant day laborer who has to work illegally at all these places in
order to make ends meet.
36. Sports are competitive. That's why academics aren't. Luckily their
close to country where they can get cheap anabolic steroids and other
enhancement drugs you cant buy in the u.s.
Isolationistic in thought. Kind of like someone who was raised under a
rock, but the rock was big, so they boast about how big the rock was.
There's more, but, man, it's so sad - and they don't even know it!
2. Tx is a Mexican border state. Complete with roads traveled by drug
cartels feeding the increasing violent crime rate, drug use, and ever
expanding prison population in Tx. That isn't nice and I don't have
this problem in my state.
3. Leading state for hate groups. There are more registered hate
groups in tx then any other state. They all hate different groups for
different reasons. When you get right down to it, no one is safe in tx
- not even texans. Testament to tx long tradition of nice, down to
earth, clan members and level-headed cult fanatics.
4. Over industrialization of undesirable industries. Yes, when you
visit tx, you get the full impact of what a cesspool they've made out
of their state with factories, oil refineries, and chemical plants.
Don't get me wrong, it is good somebody is manufacturing this stuff
out there, but, man, you've got to be six flags short of a theme park
to live amongst the stench-filled, chemical run-off, heat-fest that is
tx.
5. Texas as a state ranks in the top 5 of all states for all major
pollutants. Go figure. The EPA says you can't breathe the air for fear
of carcinogens, can't drink the water for fear of toxins, can't eat
the seafood for fear of mercury poisoning, and the Taiwanese plants
spill high levels of run-off into the neighborhoods. That isn't good
either!
6. "Clampet" stereotypes which aren't all together untrue. I've never
seen any other collective bunch unwittingly living up to negative
stereotypes. Perhaps some t-shirts can be air dropped to them. You
know, t-shirts that say something like, "thank god i struck oil, cuz
my double-wide needs a fixin"
7. Texan's general confusion between pride and reason. there is a
healthy pride, and then there is a texan pride. actually, a texan is
proud of his state like a branch davidian is proud of his cool-aid.
8. Corrupt institutions of business. Enron was a great. But, no one
can beat the oil companies for blood money, environmental destruction,
greed, and corruption. a texan would tell you that corruption only
exists in zip codes outside their magical state. is this true?
9. Cults. Kind of self explanatory. Apparently, tx is the perfect
place for those who like to organize and be merry while preying on
kids. Gotta love tx.
10. Backwards thinking. State first? Country second, or is there
something between state and country like, i don't know, socks or
peanut butter? You gotta love state first mentality. If the country is
attacked, would tx just side with mexico just to save your state? Kind
of like, if your house was burning, you'd only save your bedroom. Lots
of reasoning there. wait a minute! i'm going to start a new one. it's
called home owners association first! Hey tx, do you shoot people in
the back too?
11. Worst humidity and dew point. Yes it is true. Houston/bay area is
tied with annual averages for the worst humidity and dew point in the
united states per NOAA. In a nutshell, it's like a sauna. a constant
sauna for 7 months out of the year. what's even better, is there are
no seasons!
12. Hurricanes. you got it. more of my tax dollars go to natural
disasters like hurricanes in tx. nothing like every hurricane season
fearing the wrath of god upon your family and home.
13. Tornadoes. this must have to do with the fact that tx leads the
nation in the amount of trailor homes as a percentage of all homes.
the good thing is, tx is flat and has nothing around for 100's of
miles. so, not many people should get hurt except those who ask for
it. you know, texans.
14. Trailer trash. "T" stands for trailor trash, tornadoes, truck
stops, terrible, tacky, terrorist, taliban, travesty, and one
more...uh...dang, i forgot.
15. Prison over population. tx just can't kill 'em fast enough.
16. Gun rights. Hey look, texans need their guns because the state is
unwilling foot the bill for adequate policing and safety like other
states. state first! citizen last!
17. Highest unwanted teen pregnancies. According to a Houston paper,
they like to do more than play with barbies down in tx. Apparently
they like to get pregnant and be a mom at age 12 too.
18. Poorly educated. STILL poorly educated compared to other states.
when are the oil guys going to pay for schools.
19. Lack of affluence. This is something oil money cannot buy. you can
be rich, but you can't find Oklahoma on a map.
20. Cities annex neighboring towns just to boast on size. truly texas.
guess what, everyone can see thru this. when your metro area is a 10th
the size of other metro areas, you kind of get the idea your just
being typical tx.
21. Highest accident rate of any state. Listen, you have to drive 2
hours to get to what places the rest of us can get to in 30 minutes. I
would drive fast and not care about my life too if I lived in texas.
of course, the accident rate also includes factory explosions, etc.
22. Texas consumes more energy than what is produced by the state in
terms of gross product per the dept of energy. texas is an energy
empire. unfortunately, their bragging is unsubstantiated when they
claim the power the world.
23. highest in-sourcer (more people working for foreign firms -
helping make $ in foreign investments). guess what, more citizens in
tx by percentage aren't contributing a dime to u.s. investment.
24. High cancer rate. of course. you don't roil your state with
anything goes industry without paying for it do you?
25. High obesity rate - must be the dependence on mexican food, bbq.
That's Mexian food, you know, it's what makes tx so exotic.
26. Rated one of the 'least livable' of all states in 2008. It's just
an article. but it was nice.
27. Floods. It is wonderful how tx is famous for its natural
disasters. Stevie Ray Vaughn sang about it. He's a texan, i like
Stevie ray Vaughn, and if i lived in texas I'd sing the blues too.
he's just telling it like it is.
28. Lack of water to most of the state, high cost of water. Are you
kidding? you can't drink oil?
29. Toxic levels of mercury in fishing off texas shore. Already
covered. I like eating thermometers. maybe i should move to tx.
30. No mountains. Tx is beautiful with flat dusty fields of dry dirt
for 100's of miles until you get to some hills with nice folks with
guns. tx. great place to drive thru on your way to somewhere else.
31. Beaches are contaminated. Galveston is called a resort town.
compared to my state, galveston is a cesspool with an oil platform
right on the beach while you swim among signs that warn you about
hepatitis.
32. Pronounced pride and prejudice. back on the pride kick. can't have
pride without prejudiced. oh wait, i can.
33. Nice people - to your face. The rest is some kind of judgment call
made on their own arcane beliefs.
34. Lost perspective of their country. I guess if your trapped in an
abyss, you lose all hope that there is more out there.
35. Texas tea smells like wafting B.O., a sulfur pit, and a manure
farm. oh wait, tx oil towns are right next to sulfer pits which are
right next to ranches. that leave's B.O., which is the illegal
immigrant day laborer who has to work illegally at all these places in
order to make ends meet.
36. Sports are competitive. That's why academics aren't. Luckily their
close to country where they can get cheap anabolic steroids and other
enhancement drugs you cant buy in the u.s.
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